POEM

If I could just remove these thoughts,

Pass them on down the line.

Take them away and forget the past,

Everything would be alright.

If I could just say yes,

Then the pain I am with wouldn't be.

Because I would have passed the test,

And be living happily.

Go back to Christmas,

And take you're present.

Go back to the years before,

Because that is all I want.

I want to live,

I want to forget,

I want to remember,

I want to die.

Take these away,

Keep them no longer.

Remove them from me,

before I shatter.

If I could have just said,

If I could have just understood,

Where would we be right now?

And would I have been understood?

Years lost,

Years gained,

But years put to the test,

From so much pain.

I've lost more than I can gain,

By not understanding.

So please just go back in time,

And read the answers from within.

Alright

Three Questions

Ok, now is the time, ask three questions. Only three… Because I will only answer three. If you ask more than three, I will choose which three I wish to answer. Three questions, that’s it, that is all you get. It can be about anything, anyone, any matter, anything at all that you wish to know. I will answer in complete honesty. I will not hold back, which means that you may want to think about how I may answer, and whether or not you truly wish to know the answer to that question. I don’t do this often, and this post will only last for 4 days. That’s it. 4 days is all you get to ask these questions. Afterwards, I will nullify this entry and then you won’t ever get an answer to those questions. Unless I feel like doing this one more in which case I will repost this entry yet again.

You are loosing you're Daughter.....

“Richard, you are loosing you’re daughter...” An un-distinct voice echoed out of the fog, crawling across his skin. Richard turned to look around, his head turning, trying to figure out who had stated that. “No I’m not. She is right there…” he points towards his right, the fog lifting slowly to reveal his daughters form outlined by the light from behind. He narrowed his eyes, still confused as to what this invisible person was saying.” Richard, you are loosing you’re daughter.” Richard chuckled, shaking his head,” No I’m not; I just told you she is right there.” He points once more, this time the form of his daughter is no longer there. He looks taken back slightly, looking once more for the invisible voice.” Where did she go?” He asks, stopping amongst the haze, it rolling across his un-secure frame. “She’s gone, no longer here by you’re side.” The voice once more rolling across each particle of the fog, making it echo once more. “ But … But she was just right there… what happened?” He asked, standing there almost as if he had lost a huge part of his life. For he had. “Too many times in the past did you turn you’re back on her. Too many times did she look for you, waiting for you to take her side. You’re blood, just sitting there waiting. And too many times did you turn to the woman that wasn’t as you’re daughter is.” Richard looking around once more, “Who are you? How do you know so much about my life! How do you know what I have done and what I haven’t done? Never have I turned my back on my daughter. Never has she not had me there to lean on.” He was getting angry, and unsure. What if this voice was right? Was that the reason why she had disappeared just a few seconds ago? This voice didn’t know him, hadn’t been through what he had been, so this voice had to be lying to him. Once more, the voice resonated out of no-where, “You may have been there for her to lean on, but what about the times she didn’t need to lean on you? What about the times that she needed you to stand beside her as she has done these many years? What about the times that she has asked you to please, just trust her once, and you didn’t? What about those times? “The voice was calm and sounding almost as if it was coming from across a vast distance. Richard stuttered, he wasn’t sure how to answer that. “She has always known that she is my daughter, and she knows I have always and will always be here… What more could I do for her? I gave her life; I gave her good judgment good goals, a life she could live to the fullest.” He asked, feeling despair crawling into his gut. This was what he had always told himself, but then again, he had never seen the part of his life as this third person did. He didn’t see it the same, he thought he had taken the best paths for his children. “If that where true… Then why does she not stand beside you right now? Miscommunication? What is there that has caused her to turn from you? Is there something you aren’t seeing?” Richard shook his head, he refused to believe this, and he wouldn’t. No matter what was told to him by this voice that never showed its face, he wouldn’t listen. A sigh could be heard, drifting amongst the fog, slowly disappearing. “Voice! Wait! Come back! Tell me, please, I don’t see how I have done anything wrong, tell me what I did and maybe I can think about it! Is there still hope! Please! Tell me that she will be there! Tell me that I haven’t lost both of my children!” The voice was silent, not a word spoken, no sound at all. Richard cried out in despair, he was angry, angry at the possibility that this was true. Sadden because he hadn’t seen it to begin with, he didn’t know what to do now. A light appeared on his left side, slowly forming a shape. “ Richard, all you have to do is think about it, open you’re eyes, allow yourself to see what you’re daughter has seen. Just open you’re eyes.” The shape was disoriented, but it was there, he could see that much. He knew it was a human being, maybe he would finally be able to see whom he had been talking about. And finally understand how they knew these things. He took a step towards it, only to realize that the shape was still the same distance away. He turned in on himself, looking deep down inside, hearing her words reverberate through his mind, allowing himself to dwell on them. He thought about why these moments had taken place, thought about her reaction, the look on her face when she turned to him, everything there was to think about. He opened his eyes slowly, a look of fear appearing upon his creases. “How….why? Please, don’t tell me she has left, please I beg of you voice, tell me that she is still here, and that she won’t leave me!” He fell to his knees, sobbing at what he had done. The years spent in argument over her being wrong, only to be able to open his eyes and finally see. The shape appeared fully, the hands first, slowly lowering itself down towards Richard, wrapping around his neck tightly. “Father, all I have ever asked was for you to see how I felt, see why I did what I did, and for you to understand the reasons behind my actions. I see now that you have, and I will never leave you. I will always be by you’re side, always there ready to help you in any manner possible. Just realize this, and take action. Because tomorrow is a different day, and the actions you have taken, may change my mind next time. Please, don’t leave me dad...” Samantha’s voice echoed in his ears as he reached out, grabbing a hold of her and crying on her shoulder. He sobbed, just holding her in his arms.

So yeah, lovely day right? 1:00, PM, My Aunt Velma died. They took the feeding tube out about a week and a half ago, and she finally passed on…. Just lovely, lovely. God DAMNIT… I want to cry so hard right now, but I can’t… Just…someone please take me out of this fucking place! God, Gods, Goddess, who ever the fuck you are. Just fucking do something about this shit! I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t fucking do this anymore. I am tired, tired of battleing, tired of careing, tired of being deceived. That’s all life is to me right now, being deceived by one person after another. And I can’t do it anymore. This life that you have given me, I don’t want it. Take the bitch back, just I don’t want it anymore. I am not reacting like this just because of my Aunt. But amongst other things. I am just tired, tired of it all. Either take it back, or I will.